Sometimes it feels like living overseas for a couple of years has ruined me for life in my own country. My heart is a little bit torn and kind of confused almost every day. I’m trying to go easy on myself because it’s only been 2 months since we arrived back in Canada, but since so many people kindly ask us if we’re feeling all settled and fully transitioned, I thought I’d just say, we’re not feeling either of those things.
I am not alone. I am very well loved and supported. But I can’t deny that there is a “loneliness in having a mind spinning with images, lessons, and memories that can never adequately be shared” and I do feel confused about how and what to incorporate into our old but new life. (Thanks Rick Steves for the words I needed to explain myself.) I’m struggling to write about it, so I haven’t blogged. I’m struggling to do much, in fact, other than connect with people as that seems to be what matters most to me these days.
So, I’m embracing a season of adjustment and waiting on God. He has been slowly revealing the pieces we’re meant to hold onto and the pieces we’re meant to let go of for this next chapter. I know he is intentionally crafting a new life for us here, different from the one we left 2 years ago, and while it’s exciting, it’s also still really hard. I am clinging to God who remains our constant through the trial and the change. He is the same, no matter where we are.