In July of 2016 I found myself facing questions I couldn’t answer at a customs counter in the Prague airport, and I looked at my husband, son, and daughter and realized I knew exactly where I felt most at home in the world.
Tsh Oxenreider, an author and podcaster who has become a significant voice in my life these days, just released a book this week called “At Home In the World,” and as part of her book release launch, she has asked her readers and listeners to consider where they feel most at home in the world and to share their thoughts. When I first heard her question, I had two or three significant places come to mind immediately. My family’s farm in central Saskatchewan. Nose Hill park overlooking the Calgary skyline. Walking our old street nestled under Mount Cheam in the Fraser Valley. All those places hold a special place in my heart and were once places I lived. They are in many ways, places I’m from. But the truth is, they no longer feel exactly like home to me.
And then I remembered this moment last summer when I had my most intense feeling of contented at-homeness. We were leaving Abu Dhabi after 2 years as expats in the UAE. We were eventually returning to Canada, but were first setting out on a 6 week adventure in Croatia, Slovenia, Hungary, Austria, and the Czech Republic. We landed at the Prague airport and the woman at the customs desk asked me if we lived in the UAE. Since we had just cancelled our visas and given up residency, I answered, “No, we don’t live there anymore.”
“So, you’re going to Canada?” she asked.
“Well, not for six more weeks.”
“So where do you live?” she asked as if it should be such an easy question to answer.
I looked at Dwayne and the kids and thought, “Where do we live?” We were residents of no country, we owned no home, we didn’t even have a rented apartment. We had some suitcases stored at a friend’s house, but otherwise we were just carrying our summer belongings. We actually lived nowhere.
I thought, though I wisely kept my thought silent, “Lady, right now we live right here in front of you.”
I don’t ever recall a time in my life where I felt so completely grounded in the present moment. I felt peace. I felt free. I felt at home in the world. My home was where I was presently standing, and I knew the next place I stood would be my next home.
The thing is, I’m 41 years old, and I’ve lived in 18 different homes in 4 different Canadian provinces and 2 different countries. All my life, wherever I’ve lived, I’ve felt home there. The truth is, I’m pretty good at creating a home. I’m a firm believer that we don’t have to look for a beautiful place, we make a place beautiful. We make it beautiful with our spirits and with the physical belongings that remind us most of who we are and what we love. I think back to some of the places I’ve lived, and they haven’t always been the most inspiring upon first glance. Even the most recent home we left in Al Ain was a pretty depressing discovery when we first arrived in the UAE. We cried the day we were given the keys to our assigned housing. But, two years later, we cried harder when we had to leave it. It had become home to us. More importantly, we had made it our home. With intention and effort, we had made it our home.
So, as I stood in front of the customs agent and considered our apparently homeless state, I felt such peace because I was confident that home would always come to us. “Us” being the key word. It turns out, wherever I land with Dwayne, Josiah, and Abby is where I feel most at home in the world.