Processing Life
From a Bend Ahead in the Road
So, I’ve gotten hooked on podcasts. Has this happened to any of you? I might be late to this scene, but now I’m totally addicted. It started a few months ago when I was doing a lot of long walks to train for my desert trek. I wanted something to listen to, but I was growing tired of music. Which is weird- how do you grow tired of music? But I did. So, I started listening to a podcast that a friend recommended, and now I have so many downloaded on my phone that my phone storage is full.
So, one of the podcasts eating up my storage space these days is called The Simple Show and it’s hosted by Tsh Oxenrieder. She’s a writer, traveler, entrepreneur, and mom who encourages people to live with intention and purpose, so her topics are right up my alley. Today I was listening to an episode where she interviews another mom named Maggie. Maggie mentions in the interview that she just turned 30 and has a two and half year old, a one year old, and is expecting baby number three. Tsh also has three children, but her youngest is 5. At one point in the show Tsh said to Maggie that she remembers being at that stage in life, and she points out that she isn’t really that much farther ahead – “just one more bend in the road.” I thought it was a great expression and it occurred to me as I listened to the interview that I’m really just one more bend in the road ahead of Tsh as my youngest is turning 10 next month.
It’s not like I’m miles and miles ahead of these amazing women – just a few more steps on the motherhood trail – but it was so interesting to listen to them today. I could hear Maggie in particular, wrestling with the desire to be home with her children and to pursue her passions and find time for being creative and building a business from home. She was very aware that in life, there are naturally seasons for everything. She knows that the stage of raising young children is super consuming and doesn’t leave a lot of room for other pursuits, and she is navigating her own path intentionally and beautifully. But it hit me so hard as I was listening to her internal struggle that I believe some of the issues women in our culture face regarding motherhood and work revolve around our negative outlook on aging. That might seem like a big, disconnected leap, but stick with me.
It’s so natural for a woman to want to be with her children, but it’s also so natural for her to want to contribute her other gifts to the world. But why do we feel this urgency to be mastering both of these things by the time we’re 35? Why do we think we need to peak in our careers, write all our books, or paint all our masterpieces while our kids are still little? Could it be because we believe that by the time our kids are grown, our best years are behind us? Ouch. Is that too touchy? It’s just that I’m really starting to mull this over now that I’m 40 and my kids are feeling really, really close to being grown. I know they are so not grown, but heading into the teen years does bring some of the brevity of our kids’ years at home to the surface of my mind, and the truth is I am awakening to the fact that many of my best years are still ahead of me.
Other than 2 years of part-time work outside the home, I have been home full-time with my children for almost 13 years now. There was some sacrifice involved in that, for sure, but I can also see how that time has allowed me to mature and experience more of life and I am more ready than ever to tackle the dreams I have for my next 40 years. My gifts and passions, which I’ve used and pursued to some extent for decades, are now more refined and cultivated. I understand myself so much better. God has spent decades preparing me for the work I am only just beginning now. I think ahead to my coming years and I feel myself saying, “Look out world, I’ve got stuff to say and things to do!”
So, with that in mind, I have three things I want to say to the moms who are bend or two back in the road.
#1. Getting older is awesome. Our culture does not value aging, and that’s a powerful message to try and ignore, but you can personally choose to embrace and joyfully anticipate the wisdom, perspective, freedom, and peace that comes with years of living intentionally.
#2. The experiences of life and motherhood are maturing you in beautiful ways and your contributions to the world will be even more rich on the other side of having little ones underfoot than they are now. Whether you are home full time or working outside the home, every mother is mentally, emotionally, and physically giving valuable years to her children. But you will have many more valuable years when they are grown to further nurture your gifts and dreams. And if, God forbid, you don’t, and your life is taken early, you won’t regret investing the best of yourself into your children.
#3. Give yourself grace with the capacity you have now. If you have a passion for art and you paint just one canvas this year, then relish those moments you had to enjoy it and be encouraged about how you will watch that gift flourish when the time is right. If you are building a business and you feel you’re only taking baby steps, appreciate what you’re learning and contributing to the family income for now, and dream about where you can take that business when its season comes.
And I have one thing to ask of the moms who are a bend or two or twenty ahead on the road.
Please keep showing us how much there is to look forward to up ahead. We need you and value you and every time you use your gifts and pursue your dreams, you show us how it’s done and remind us that there are more incredibly fruitful seasons coming our way too.
Impressive
London is impressive. \im-ˈpre-siv\: deserving attention, admiration, or respect.
I know all my British friends are thinking, “Yes, of course it is, darling.” I’m adding fuel to the centuries old “Britain-is-the-center-of-the-world” fire, but seriously, I was so impressed.
I was impressed by the landmarks. Big Ben stopped me in my tracks, my jaw hung open the entire time I was in Westminster Abbey, I gaped at the crown jewels, I took dozens of photos of the Parliament building from the top of the London Eye, and I marveled at the unique beauty of the Tower Bridge.
I was impressed by the incredible scope of the museums and galleries. We only went in the Science Museum, the British Museum, and the British National Library, and there was simply too much for our brains to take in. Granted, I’m a westerner, but I was so struck by the vast influence this little nation has wielded over world history.
I was impressed by the coverage of London’s public transportation system. Underground, overground, trains, buses, and trams. There were multiple ways to get everywhere and we rarely waited more than 10 minutes for the next vehicle. It’s a fantastic system, and oh, oh, oh, how I wish Canadian cities were this easy to navigate without a car!
I was impressed by the musical, literary, and general entertainment history. The home of the Beatles, Sherlock Holmes, and Harry Potter. Every corner reeks of someone or something famous, from the past or present, fictional or non. London is a powerhouse of great creative thought.
London really grabbed my attention, admiration, and respect. \im-ˈpre-siv\
But even more impressive than London is the friendship that brought us to England this year. We started our trip with 3 nights in Bristol, visiting our friends Jon & Angie and their boys. They showed us the highlights of their great city and we caught a glimpse of their new life in the UK. We’ve known each other for 20 years now and each of our lives have taken so many different turns in that time, but I absolutely love sitting down with old friends and realizing that with all that’s changed, much is still the same. So much history. So much understanding. After 2 years of living in a new country and starting from scratch with every new relationship, it has become a sweet reprieve to be with good friends who know who we are and where we’ve come from. That kind of friendship also deserves attention, admiration, and respect.
For all our travels and the opportunities we’ve had to see new places and new things, nothing in our lives is more impressive than the beautiful people we’ve come to know and love.
With the Coutts’ in Bristol.
Some of the beautiful sites of London.
At the Harry Potter Studios where all 8 movies were filmed. I could totally nerd out and write a whole post on this piece of awesome. I love HP and this was one of my trip highlights, for sure.
The fam soaking up the fun of London. Sherlock Holmes Museum, on top of the London Eye, at the Apollo Theatre after seeing Wicked, at the Tower of London hearing tales of real British history, on the Millenium Bridge, at the Alice In Wonderland exhibit at the British Museum, underground with the tube map, and with the actual Rosetta Stone.
My favorite London shot. My happy family at Piccadilly Circus, loving life.
When Life Unfolds Unexpectedly
Many years ago, the women of Abu Dhabi used to walk (yes, walk…) all the way from the humid coast to the drier inland climate of Al Ain with their children. They found the heat more bearable in this oasis town, (which is relative since last summer many days reached 45 degrees celsius here in Al Ain…) so they left their husbands behind for pearl diving season, and set out trekking across the desert. Today there is an annual event, following the footsteps of these women, walking the return journey from Al Ain to Abu Dhabi. 120 kilometres in 5 days. Sleeping in Bedouin camps by night and walking and talking with women from all over the world by day. All this to honour the strength and endurance of Emirati women. The first day I heard about this event, I knew I wanted to do it.
In October I signed up, and with two Al Ain friends, began training, building up our walking endurance so we could eventually handle 25 kilometres a day in the sand. In hindsight, the training times ended up being one of the most amazing parts of this experience. Besides developing the discipline to walk 6 days a week, for longer distances than I’d ever covered before, the relationships that were built by this kind of time together become very precious. Walking for hours at a time on a regular basis with thoughtful and diverse women is possibly the best gift I received all year. I have been encouraged, challenged, and inspired by how they view life and their experiences. I honestly could have called it quits after the training period and still have walked away so much richer, without even needing to participate in the walk.
But, of course, I didn’t call it quits. March 7th arrived, and all 40+ women gathered at a resort in Al Ain for a meal together and to prepare for our departure the following morning. We knew the forecast was calling for rain, but desert rain is fairly unpredictable, often isolated, and rarely lasts long. (ominous foreboding…) We left the resort at 6am on the morning of March 8th, and had a perfect start. When we stopped for lunch at 12:30, it was obvious there was a storm coming our way, so we cut our break short, and decided to walk as far as we could before the rain came. And it came. Not just rain, but thunder and lightning and wind. In fact, the storm didn’t abate all that day, or the next, and it turns out, it was one of the most intense storms Abu Dhabi has seen in over 30 years. And it just happened to hit on days one and two of our walk.
We finished our route for day one, and made it to camp soaking wet, and in remarkably high spirits, what with the adrenaline rush of avoiding the lightning strikes, and all. Unfortunately, our camp did not fare as well as we did- it was partly leveled from the wind and everything was drenched from the sideways rain. As we could obviously not salvage the camp, the decision was made to shuttle us out of the desert on our modern day camels – Toyota Land Cruisers – and back to the resort in Al Ain. The plan was to dry everything out, get a good night’s sleep, return to this spot the next morning, and resume our walk. We’d lose out on one night in the desert, but we’d have a story to tell, and we’d be back on our journey in no time.
Unfortunately, it become clear that evening that the storm was going to be much worse the next day, which it did indeed turn out to be. There was plenty of video footage online of the havoc the storm wreaked on Abu Dhabi, and seeing the size of the hail stones out in the region of our walk, I know it was best that we were held back and not allowed to walk on day two. However, to make a long story short, we were also not able to walk on day three, and while we were eventually shuttled 
back out in our Land Cruiser camels to resume our walk on day four, there was a lot of emotional battle to endure in between. It was not easy to accept the fact that we would be unable to achieve our goal of five consecutive days walking 120 km straight. We lost out on campfires and nights under the stars and some of the unique experiences that had been planned for us each evening. We lost out on the simple accomplishment of walking out the door in Al Ain and arriving by foot in Abu Dhabi. It was something we had been training for and dreaming of for four months, and it simply wasn’t going to happen. There was nothing we could do about it. And therein laid the greatest lesson I had to learn from this walk. A lesson I thought I had already learned. Some things in life are beyond our control. But more than that simple truth, the bigger insight for me was to see who I am when life unfolds unexpectedly.
I am not someone who easily lets go of something I really want. And I felt this achievement was being wrestled away from me, very much against my will, and the bottom line is, I felt very sad and very disappointed. I was obviously not alone in that. Each woman felt her own level of sadness and disappointment and dealt with it in different ways. It was an emotionally volatile couple of days while we waited out a storm that we couldn’t control. But I was so humbled by the reactions of many women around me. So many responded with dignity. With peace and acceptance that led to joy. I was especially challenged by the Emirati women in the group, who admittedly, seem to handle the unexpected in life a lot better than goal-driven Westerners like me. They simply reminded me that this was how it was meant to be. The rain was going to come and our plans were going to be changed, and that’s just how it is. Our experience of the walk was to be shaped by this storm.
What I wish I’d recognized sooner in those couple of days was that us women were still together. We were still honouring the strength and perseverance of Emirati woman who had surely endured their own life storms and adapted. We still had opportunity to support each other and stay strong, if not through the sand and under the scorching sun, then at the table, waiting out the rain. Thankfully I caught this lesson from the women around me. I wish I could have been the first to respond with such grace, but even at 40 years old, I still have a lot to learn. I hope when the next unexpected life event unfolds I will be even quicker to respond with grace, acceptance, and joy.
We did have one beautiful night together under the stars in the desert, and we ended up covering almost 100 kilometres of the heritage trek. On day four alone, we walked almost 40 kilometres. Almost 30 on the final day. The whole event was still an accomplishment, and for me, a series of outstanding lessons and memories which I know I’ll treasure more than the missing 20 kilometres.
Well, Whaddya Know?
Friends, do you remember when we first arrived here in the UAE and I was kind of a mess? Do you remember that? I was a grieving, culture-shocked mess. So, I poured my heart into blog posts and was generously lavished with love, support, and encouragement from across the ocean. I remember one particular post where I was frustrated from having no running water and no internet and no vehicle and no where to go anyway, which was great because it was 5000 degrees outside and while I poured my desperation into a blog post, I remember that I miraculously remained hopeful. I even said something to the effect, that I wanted to share all the difficult parts from the beginning, because I truly believed it would get better, and then all my loving readers could rejoice with me when those better days came. Do you remember that?
Because those better days did come! And my loving readers did rejoice with me. Thanks loving readers! This is where we find ourselves a year and a half later:
We have found wonderful community here in Al Ain. We have been embraced by new friends and neighbours and colleagues and homeschoolers and a church family.
We’ve found physical activities to engage in. At different times, one or all of us have enjoyed golf, rugby, dance, yoga, drama, DI, ice skating, tennis, swimming, wide games, kick ball, dodgeball, volleyball, basketball, and most recently, lots and lots and lots of walking.
We’ve found lots of things to love about our city and region. We can go to movies, go to the pool, go to the mall, go to the desert, go out for dinner, go to the mall, go to Dubai, go to Abu Dhabi, or go to the mall. And when it gets really, really hot, we can always go to the mall. Sure, the activities are a little different from what we were used to, but we’ve adjusted and found fun things to do as a family.
We’ve embraced the slower pace of life in an Arabic country and are really appreciating the emphasis on relationship. Dwayne is home every day by 2:00 and rarely has prep or marking to do, and never has evening or weekend work commitments. We have oodles of time together as a family and time to relax with friends, and in this day and age, that is no small matter.
We’ve hosted family and friends from back home four times and not only had the joy of seeing them face to face again, we had the privilege of showing them around this beautiful region and participating in a pretty life-changing trip for all of them.
We live below our means, we’re not in debt, and we don’t stress about money. This is another one of those “no small matter” things.
We’ve had time and opportunity to reflect on our gifts and skills and how we want to live our lives. I am 4 months away from finishing my Natural Nutrition diploma, which I know I was able to tackle because of our move here. Dwayne is brainstorming new career opportunities and we are both dreaming about how our future may look different from what we once expected.
We’ve discovered more of the big wide world out there. We’ve visited 8 new countries since we moved here and, for me, those trips will remain one of the best rewards for all the difficulty along the way.
We’ve expanded our worldview and developed a heart for people whose suffering never really crossed our radar before. We’ve also seen the great need here for our gifts, our message, and mostly, the love of our great God.
The better days did come. Of course, there are still plenty of drawbacks to living in a new and different culture and far away from family and old friends. But all I can do is give thanks to God for what he has shown us and taught us, and how he has provided for us and changed us.
For those reasons, and more, we have decided to stay in Al Ain another year. Can you believe it?!? Based on my first 3 months here, did you think this day would come? The day we would willingly sign up for another year after the initial 2 year contract was over? I can’t believe it, because there were days when we didn’t think we could see the first year through, let alone a third. But here we are. And my gratitude flows in many directions these days. I’m thankful for Dwayne because he’s a superstar. It takes a very strong man to persevere, adjust, and stand in the face of such daily opposition. He is my hero. I’m thankful for the people who have embraced us here and make our daily living a joy. I’m thankful for the people who have remained rock solid for us back home and make our relationship a priority, even from the other side of the planet. And I’m so thankful for God. He is transforming us in ways we could not have anticipated and as always, he reminds me that my true home is with him and my only daily mission is to follow his lead.
The Big Four-Oh
I’m 40 years old today. I’ve heard I’m supposed to lament over this. But I don’t feel like wailing. I was remembering that in the 28 years I knew my great-grandmother, she rejoiced in every birthday as a personal achievement. In fact, in my memory, neither her, nor my grandmother, nor my mother ever mourned over getting older. Birthdays were a day to be celebrated.
And why not? I mean, I have indeed noticed a few changes to my body in recent years. I have more grey hairs. I have more wrinkles. My skin is getting saggier in places. But I have another year under my belt, and that’s awesome! Because the truly good news is that with each passing year, I’m being transformed. Sure, I’m changing physically, but I’m also changing emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. With every passing year, I learn new things and after 40 years, that really adds up.
I’ve learned a lot of things about myself over the years. Things that have been both enlightening and humbling. I’ve learned I like change. I love it, actually. But I also like routine. Yes, I’m a confusing paradox. I’ve learned I can’t control everything. I cannot plan my way to stability. I do not know the future. I’ve learned that I’m a people-pleaser and I like to be well thought of. And along with that, I’ve learned that seeking the approval of people is both futile and debilitating.
I’ve learned things about others in my four decades of living. I’ve learned that making an effort for people is always worth it. I’ve learned that being dependent on people once in a while is not the end of the world. That everyone is imperfect, but still worthy of love.
I’ve learned things about God after 25 years of knowing him. I’ve learned that He is faithful and good. That he brings peace to the human heart. That his Spirit speaks. That his goal is not to make me comfortable, but to make me more like Jesus.
I learned things about life. I’ve learned that the best decisions we make are based on faith, not fear. That owning less is actually liberating. That we should never say “never” because real life experience has a way of changing our opinions. I’ve also learned that life is full of unexpected turns and it’s best to lean into them and enjoy the ride.
These are the kinds of lessons you can’t hand to a young person on a silver platter. You can’t just list these life lessons for a teenager and be done with it. We’re wired to grasp lessons more fully through trial and error. These lessons are earned with the passage of time and the gift of experience. The pains and joys of life teach us. The regrets and achievements change us. The losses and the pleasures shape us.
I would hope that someone who met me 20 years ago would still recognize me today. I don’t think my physical transformation has been that drastic yet. But in many other ways, I hope I am unrecognizable from my 20 year old self. I’d never want to go back. You couldn’t pay me enough to go back to my 20 year old self, my 30 year old self, or even my 39 year old self. Every single year of life experience is priceless to me.
I’m so glad to be 40. Imagine the ways God will refine and transform me between now and my 50th birthday! Cheers to that!
Who’s To Say?
I was standing on the deck of a ferry enjoying a sunset view of the Amalfi coast and I was overcome by a sense of joy at finally coming to Italy. In that moment I was unexpectedly reminded of the dozens of comments I’d heard over the decades from people about marriage and travel and life. It comes out differently from each person, but the essence of the comment is that people shouldn’t get married young because they will never see the world. I heard it a lot in my dating/engagement/early-married years, but it continued well into my 30’s: if you want to travel, you need to do it before you get married, and especially before you have kids.
But you know what? That’s kinda mean to say to a 21-year old who is madly in love, longs to see the world, and is really broke. I was certain I wanted to marry Dwayne, but I was always made to feel that this meant I had to give up my hopes of traveling, since we didn’t have the means to do so in our early 20’s. And yet, even though I didn’t really know when it would happen, I still held onto my dream of actually seeing the faraway places that captivated me.
And then…there I was, at 39 years old, on the Mediterranean sea, sailing along the beautiful coast line with my husband and my children. Not only was I experiencing it myself, but I was enjoying it with my life partner and sharing the gift with my children. And the impact this trip is having on me in my late 30’s is different than what it would have been in my early 20’s. Not better or worse, just different. But it’s my experience and my dream. I never would have imagined my life unfolding the way it has, especially in recent years. Who could have ever predicted I’d have a new life on the other side of the world? But things took a turn and that means some of my oldest dreams are coming to fruition through unexpected avenues.
So, there were two things that came to my mind on that boat:
Number one: every major life decision has enough heaviness of it’s own without being weighed down further by other people’s baggage. Their preconceived notions and assumptions about life simply don’t apply to you. No one knows the path anyone else’s life will take. Who’s to say you can’t get married young and have kids and then see the world together? Or who’s to say you can’t get married at 40 and start a family and settle down then? There’s no prescribed timetable or order of events. There’s not an inevitable way to do it. There’s more than one way to carve out a beautiful life.
Number two: I wouldn’t trade 18 years of life with Dwayne for any trip in the world. Italy is dreamy, but I’d rather never see it at all than give up the years I’ve had married to this great man. In all my life, with the choices right in front of me, I have only ever aimed to make the best and wisest decision at the time, and trusted that the future details would work themselves out. When I meet a young person now, whether they’re getting married, traveling, going to school, starting a new venture, or whatever, I make a point of saying, “Great! Bless you! Run with that decision. Your life path is wide open, and this is just one of the first turns. Enjoy the journey.” I don’t always word it so clearly, but I hope, as much as possible, to ease every young person’s decision load with encouragement and hope and to bolster them on their way. And then I carry on with my own unfolding journey.
Pick A Life
Last year I enrolled in a 2 year, part-time, distance education program in Natural Nutrition at the Canadian School of Natural Nutrition. I am just about to finish the first half of my studies. (Big cheer!) This is especially noteworthy since I spent the first six months of my enrollment in total freak-out mode, leaving home and settling in to a new country. So, I really had to pick up the pace in the second half of the year.
My final assignment for this year is to write a business plan, which includes all sorts of self-reflection and dreaming as well as the logistical, practical, research-y stuff. It poses some difficulty, writing a business plan when you don’t know what country you’re going to live in or whether you’ll own a home at all, let alone one with an office space, or basically anything about your life in one year’s time. So, I essentially have to fake it. Pick a life, pretend we’re doing that, and write the plan. It’s just a school assignment, after all. Although, it would sure be nice to have the assignment actually apply to real life one day, but some things are a lot to ask.
Unfortunately, I’ve noticed that picking a future life is no longer an easy emotional decision. While I assume one day we will return to Canada, I’m at the point where there are real life things we will mourn about leaving our life in the UAE for good. Not just theoretical, you-will-miss-things-from-here things. Real people and real places and real realities. Real. I guess that’s one of the prices you pay as an expat. No matter what decision you make next- stay put, return home, go somewhere different- there’s grieving.
But, for now, I’ll just enjoy the dreaming part. Because the dreams are big and exciting! What my own Holistic Nutritionist business could look like in Canada and what it could look like here are both very enticing. And while the business plan demands a decision right now, our real life doesn’t demand one until spring. So, I’ll finish this assignment and then, once again, I will settle into waiting and trusting God to reveal his next best steps for us.
Great Rewards
It’s hot here. It’s getting to me. I was all fine with it until about June 1st. Then I guess I’d just had enough of the 24/7 air conditioning, the instant sweating when I stepped outside, and the lack of fresh air. And it’s the end of the school year, so I’m worn out. And I’m pushing through my own school work to reach my first year goals before our summer vacation. So, I guess I hit a wall.
But, did you hear that little ray of hope there? Summer. Vacation.
On July 10th we will hop on a direct flight from Abu Dhabi to Rome and begin our 35 day European adventure! I hardly know how to describe my excitement. Sometimes I catch myself staring at a wall and smiling because I’m daydreaming about our plans. I have dreamed of these destinations since I was a teenager, heard of other people’s world travels, and sat with my unquenchable desire to see new places, knowing it was not something we could afford. But lo and behold, our lives took a drastic turn, fraught with challenge and tears, and now we find ourselves rewarded in multiple ways. Personal growth, spiritual growth, a broader perspective, a tighter family bond, altered life focus, new and enriching relationships, less financial burden, and the gift of seeing the world.
So, when we get off the plane on the 10th, we will immediately catch a train down to Salerno, Italy on the Amalfi coast. We will have 5 days there, followed by 5 days in Rome, 5 days in Florence, 5 days in Venice, 5 days in Ljubljana, Slovenia, 5 days in Werfenweng, Austria, just outside of Salzburg, and 5 days in Augsburg, Germany, just outside of Munich. … There I go with that staring at the wall and smiling thing again. Dream. Come. True.
Like I told a friend today, after we land and I get outside, rain or shine, the first thing I’m going to do is take a good, long, deep breath of fresh air. Even if it’s not fresh, it won’t be 47 degrees and it won’t burn my nostrils to breath deeply. And then I hope to not go inside for 5 weeks. Well, maybe to sleep. And to see the Sistine Chapel and Michaelangelo’s David and all that dreamy stuff. And I’m going to wear tank tops in public. Scandalous. I’ll probably feel half naked. And I’m going to OD on sausage, bacon, ham, and all things pork. And then I’ll probably need medical attention.
And then you know what? In August I will be just as excited to return home to Al Ain, because I know I’ll miss our lovely little apartment and this beautiful, crazy country. And I’ll be ready to dive back into homeschool and friendships and my school work and routine. But for now, I have 20 more days of staring at walls until we go and dig into one of our great rewards.
Rivers
I have come to think of culture as a powerful river.
When we grow up in one culture, we are only aware of that one river. It’s banks; it’s flow; it’s depth. We know of certain pitfalls and exciting rapids. We ourselves have not navigated the whole river, but we have been taught by those who are further downstream in the same river, so we are prepared. We are familiar with how life works on our river and we expect everyone lives in a similar fashion, on other rivers. Even if we hear stories of different ways of living, we still can’t truly comprehend the differences, unless we leave our river and make our life on another one. Not just a quick visit, but really settle into a new life there.
That is a challenge.
All the things we knew and had come to expect on our river, suddenly don’t happen or work in the new river. And this river is just as strong. And as you hesitate, confused and lost on the new river, trying to swim the only way you know how, you start to go under. You feel like you’re drowning. It’s overwhelming, scary, and disorienting.
It’s easy to blame the new river. “Why isn’t this river like my last river?” Or blame the people who live on the new river. “Why don’t people do things they way people do things on my river?” But it’s not the river’s fault, nor the people who have been navigating that river for generations.
It’s me.
I left my river and came to this one, and it’s up to me to adjust. I’m not here to change the river or everyone who lives on it. And if I am, I’ll knock myself out in a futile battle. I’m here to change. To learn about other rivers and other river-dwellers. To better understand my own perceptions, expectations, and prejudices. To grow in strength, love, and compassion. And mostly, I’m here to magnify the Creator of all rivers and the Passionate Pursuer of all river-dwellers. When I focus on Him, more than my old river, the ride becomes smoother, clearer, and much more purposeful.
Showing Up
It’s been 7 whole months since we’ve hugged family. Skype and what’s app are great, but nothing beats this! 
I think my mom would agree that I’ve always been a “do my own thing” kinda girl. My teenage/young adult self was clear: “I’ve got my own life to live, and I’m off to live it.” I come by it naturally, being the only child of a strong single mother. She taught me that there’s nothing we can’t tackle. Hang pictures. Lift heavy things. Fix clogged toilets. That’s just the physical list. The emotional list is longer. But you do what you’ve gotta do when you’re two young women on your own. So, I guess it’s not surprising that I developed a strong independent streak.
My mom has always supported this in me. No matter what I’ve wanted to pursue or where I’ve wanted to go or what I’ve wanted to do, my mom has affirmed me, loved me, been proud of me. I’m sure there have been times when she would have preferred me to be around, but instead she sent me out with her blessing, which I believe has really allowed me to embrace life and the opportunities that come my way.
Since I wasn’t a daughter who frequently flew back to the nest, mom took the initiative to fly to me. There are a number of occasions in my adult life when I remember her being present and it being so significant to me. One that really stands out was during my second year at Bible College in Regina. I had been experiencing a great deal of pain, which had landed me in the emergency room for 3 nights in a row, and eventually led to an emergency appendectomy. The surgery turned out to be a little too late, as my appendix ruptured and caused a whole host of problems for a couple of months. Nevertheless, I vaguely remember being in the hospital room prior to surgery, on some pretty strong pain killers, and waking up to see mom by my side. I was 20 years old, an appendectomy is fairly routine, and I had loving family nearby, but there is something so comforting about your own mother. She didn’t have to come. A phone call would have been great. But, she did come. She got on a plane and came to hold my hand. She showed up.
There have been a number of times in my life when I have failed to show up for people I love, and I regret it. And there have been times when I have showed up, and I’ll simply never regret it. The older I get, the more I realize how important it is to break away from your daily routine and rhythm to step into the life of a loved one who needs you. It is, perhaps, my greatest concern about moving far, far away – the possibility of not being able to show up for family and friends.
But in the meantime, my dear mother is here. And my dear Larry. They are the first to show up. And showing up in the UAE is no small matter! It’s expensive to get here. And the flight is looooong. And the time away is not easy to arrange. I really don’t expect anyone to come- I know I couldn’t have come and visit myself!
Nevertheless, look who flew to find me.
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Behind The Vines 